The Crumbling Edge of the Cliff

Ah, the expectations of a new relationship. The fun, the excitement, the new experiences with a new person. Unfortunately, you also leave out the complications to life that it brings. Not that I would ever call my own life 'ordered'- but it does run in an typically chaotic state which is me. As feared in 'Dawn of a New Age' HE has added an extra element to my chaotic life which has resulted in some conflict. This is what I have learnt thus far:

- HE gets mad if I blow him off after organizing to catch up that night because I am tired (apparently he was looking forward to it all day).

- HE is not impressed if I turn up at 2am after deciding to have drinks after telling him I am too tired to go round earlier.

- HE does not like chatting away on the phone for any longer than approximately 2 minutes (unlike myself who can talk the hind leg off a donkey).

- HE takes work off on the off-chance I may stay the night or vice versa without telling me, so when I make him leave so I can enjoy an undisturbed sleep, HE is not impressed.

- HE does not think it is a "big-deal" when he 'forgets' to introduce me to some acquaintance he bumps into while I am with him (don't worry HE will not make that mistake again).

- HE is "still learning" about the whole relationship thing. Yeah I get HE is trying his best...but speed it up a little please!

When did life get so complicated? Actually, to be more precise, when did it become a pain in the ass! I must confess I have several times decided to break up with HIM. While it may seem like a cop-out, I just don't think it should be hard in such early stages. Anyway, despite some rather angry words from me- we are still going. It is like the closer I come to ending things, the more HE picks his act up.

Am I being too hasty? Unrealistic? What pains me is that when we do go our separate ways, I will leave behind a much more refined gentleman than what once existed.

Damn.

A ramble by S.

The Dawn of a New Age

So the impossible has occurred: I am no longer 'sad in the city'.

Yes, that's right, somehow despite many, many mistakes I have stumbled my way into a relationship. *Shudder* The word itself is foreign to me. The problem lies with the fact I have been single for approximately 2 years. Hence, singledom is not so much a way of life as an entire lifestyle choice.
It was an excuse to do silly things, be selfish, do what ever I liked- when I liked, have the entire bed to myself unless I decided I wanted company...basically the focus was on ME ME ME.

Now there is someone else.

It is like being an only child then discovering your parents have had another child. Suddenly friends ask how HE is, what dates HE has taken me on lately, and I have to take what HE wants into consideration.

Of course this is purely coming from the old single me...there are many more positive aspects of being in, well you know what, I don't need to state 'that' word again. I mean somehow HE has gone further than all the rest and proven himself to be worthy. In this worthiness, there is an endearing quality of wanting to impress me...I thought that was supposed to stop once you got locked into something. Not in his case. It makes me not mind so much about having to give up my selfish pastimes of drinking and behaving like a shameless hussy (not a bad thing to give up in retrospect), of watching sad movies alone at night with only a large sack of lollies and/or chocolate as my companion, and of being cynical towards the entire male species. HE has seemingly achieved the unthinkable.

Haha, the worst part is that I am only semi-joking here. I have an entrenched mindset which has become a large part of me over the last 2 years.

It will mean no more horror stories about the crazies I attract, no more laughing with friends over terrible letters and cards which I once accumulated without trying, no more angst whether I like a new potential or not, no more excitement in the early stages of a new romance replayed over and over as they keep coming.

I will be one of those smug, happy people who just shake their heads at the loose actions of their single sect of friends- secretly a little jealous they have nothing to contribute to the gossip session.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....

Am I ready for this new age? Am I merely being over-dramatic as a result of trying to deal with a long-forgotten aspect of myself? Or should I run, run fast and far away from the RELATIONSHIP before it is too late?

Love S

Ode to The One That Got Away (aka the one I was retarded enough to let go)

B has been MIA: Missing In Action due to Men Indecision Angst.

This is all she has to show for it.

A Poem

* "For a free dinner...who sings this song?" I always got the answer wrong, but you always bought me dinner anyway.

* You were meant to just be a one-night stand... but you texted me the next day to thank me for folding your clothes

* You stayed up all night and talked to me when I couldn't sleep, even though you had work the next day

* You spent an hour cleaning your flat in case I came back in the near future

* You thought I was a 9.2 out of 10 when hungover with no makeup on

* You bought new Ralph Lauren cologne to persuade me to be your girlfriend - you didn't need to

* You always answered the phone 'Hey gorgeous.'

* You called me Tits Mcgee and a wee chocolate creme brulee

* You texted to remind me to wear sunscreen

* You tried not to smoke and drink around me because I am a brat

* You told me I am lovely and always say the right thing - I'm not and I didn't

* You would get up at 6 or 7am to drive me home before work, an hour out of your way, just so I wouldn't have to take the train

* You called me late from work just to say goodnight/because you missed my smell/my voice/my constant chatter

* You were always completely inappropriate but it made me laugh. I only knew you for a few months but you gave me wrinkles from laughing so much.

* You thought I looked nice in a dress, but you complimented me the most the time I went out for dinner with no make up and my hair in a messy ponytail

* You wanted to take me away for a trip and plan it all yourself

* You always gave me the good pillow

* You held my hand at the train station/at the mall/at the pub/in front of your guy mates

* You were tough but such a softie underneath

* The night you thought I was going to break up with you, you still ordered my favourite takeaway to be delivered, let me stay with you and drove me the hour home the next morning

* When we broke up you hugged me all night and in the morning said you didn't want to let me go. Even though it was all my fault

* When you smiled at me sometimes I forgot what I was saying.

* You told me you were in love with me when you were drunk. You pretended you didn't remember but I'm pretty sure you did

* You treated your mum and sister like princesses. You told me you missed hugs from your mum and it made me want to hug you all the time!

* You said I was way too cool for you - I wasn't

* I stole your chewing gum, coins, new Hilton slippers and favourite t shirt, but you never complained

* I still have them.

* I broke up with you because I was confused, and stupid. I miss you and I'm so sorry!