The Escape Hatch

Now this might appear as a pretty metaphor for never giving yourself fully up for a relationship, but this title is more literal. Hasn't everyone had a time where they have made someone leave their house undetected by others also occupying said house?

I have had this occur twice off the top of my head. The first a few years back when I was embarrassed about still letting an ex come around, so I made him get out the window in order to avoid a lecture from my flatmates. I guess it also made things a bit exciting, but at the same time it brought it home that I shouldn't be having someone over who I was trying to hide from everyone. He fully embraced the idea of getting out the window to avoid looking like the asshole ex which he was. Creep.

The second time involved an entirely inappropriate male who I had invited around for a movie because I was home alone and scared for the night. I flicked out that invite because I knew the answer would come fast, and come affirmative. Again, shouldn't invite someone over when I would not had flatmates been home...however surely I am allowed a couple of free passes now I am back in the once familiar single world?

The second emergency evacuation went a little like this:
We are merrily watching a DVD making semi interesting chit-chat. I hear a key scrape a lock outside. I hear a door open. I freeze. I hiss "You have to GO" to male. He looks at me incredulously and stays put. I say "SERIOUSLY!" I rush him to the back door and struggle with the bolt. I push him outside into the dark and say "wait here and I will see who it is". Hello flatmate, goodbye male outside door. Somehow, male gets to his car and leaves with flatmate being none the wiser. Finish watching DVD with flatmate.

See a problem here? Must return DVD's belonging to male at some point...

Transference

Having had quite a shock- see post below, I think it is important not to dwell on such a person who would cause such a nightmare. Hence, I have been spending some time with someone else.

So soon? You may well ask. It is a simple concept of transferring ones feelings to someone else in order not to have any bad/mad/sad feelings for the other person. Anyway, while I was with THE EX I met Mark* and we became unlikely friends due to the fact I had a boyfriend. Now I don't have said boyfriend.

The list below in reality should be the norm, but I was not treated as such by THE EX. But, Mark has manners. In fact, with Mark it is easy.

* He texts me just to say good morning and hopes that I have a nice day.

* After we met he wished me good luck for an exam, even though it was a drunken night where we never may have seen each other again.

* He will change plans just to spend time with me.

* He lives out of town but will not hesitate to drive in, even when he has to wake up at 5.30am and he knows he will get home late.

* He drives a car which almost could be considered 'bogan' with all its bells and whistles, but will let me drive it too.

* He doesn't take me too seriously and can joke around without getting angry.

* He actually wants to take me out for dinner somewhere nice and will enjoy it too.


I spent last night with Mark. We drove out of town and ended up on a jetty jutting out into the sea, looking at the stars. It felt like we were somewhere else, and it was just what I wanted. I have realised now that life is too short to put up with bad behaviour and 'rocky' patches. If it's not working, it's not working. Not every combination of people will go the distance, and there is no point in flogging a dead horse, which it how my own relationship began to appear. When it is surprising that things are going well, as opposed to a normality, it is pretty damn clear you should get out, and get out fast. It may sound like things will not end well for Mark, but to tell you the truth I have fun with Mark and fun is just what I need right now. Mark is someone who I will stay friends with after we stop hanging out in the context of something more, which is how it should be.

I could become cynical about the male species, or enjoy the company of one more deserving. You do the math.

S

Life as I know it

So...back to being 'sad in the city'.

So what happened to the RELATIONSHIP?
It was a bumpy ride that I didn't have my seatbelt on for.

We drove into the biggest, and final pothole 2 nights ago. Things were finally going well, I'd just had my graduation which he had helped me get ready for and had attended the family dinner and was fantastic (apart from not thanking my dad for dinner, which is a big thing for me. Manners maketh the man and all that). Anyway, I was going to meet his parents at a family BBQ 2 days ago. Unfortunately, I had my own family dinner to attend with several relatives i had not seen for a long time, and work earlier. Busy. So low and behold I could not make it to his family meet and greet because work ran late and I was late for my dinner as it was. Obviously I kept in touch regarding this change of events and I had warned him prior that I may have to come a bit later after my dinner. Anyway, after saying sorry but I would have to go straight to my dinner, I receive a message back from him an hour later saying how embarrassed and let down he was by me. Confused? I was too. Seems rational to be understanding considering I was forthcoming with everything and it was not a blow off in the least. The most pathetic turn of events? Without a doubt. Anyway, after some confused texting back he rang and was still angry so naturally there was nothing else to do but hang up on him.

Later that night whilst having a wine and chocolate with a friend I get a call from him saying he 'may' have overreacted. You think?! Anyway, he said he would come round and was going to get a taxi as he had been drinking. He then texted and asked whether I would pick him up. Hell no! So he arrives dutifully in a taxi. Despite having apologized more or less on the phone he storms in on his high horse determined that I had blown him off. A large argument ensues where he threatens to walk out but stops at the door. It was humorous in a petty way so I laughed and we started to make up. Then I made a comment about his heinous face when he knows he has done something wrong. In a joking/make light of the situation way of course. He lost it. Started putting his clothes back on shouting angrily at me that you don't call your boyfriend heinous blah blah. I roll my eyes and say we really don't need to do this (again). So I stand up and grab his jeans and tell him not to be so silly and I was joking. He shoves me hard so I sit back on the bed and proceeds to rip the jeans out of my arms giving me a nasty scratch/bruise on my arm. Yells he is 'done' and that I was just trying to 'make him feel bad' by making a fuss about my arm. He then storms out leaving all the doors in the house open. This being 2am.

To top it off? I never heard an apology or any word afterwards. Oh, except for a 1.30am text the next night saying "Do you miss me?" WHAT. A. JERK.

I keep picking the wrong men. I just hope this is the last 'learning curve' I have because this is getting freaking ridiculous and I have a scratch on my arm to show for my troubles.

Love S (S for single)

The Weekend Getaway aka Minibreak

STEPS FOR A SUCCESSFUL NIGHT AWAY WITH YOUR MAN:

1. Romantic dinner at expensive restaurant
2. Stroll by the waterfront looking at beautiful scenery
3. Quality time curled up on couch with nice wine

THE REALITY:

Elbows on the table, loud embarrassing comments, and spilling a vast amount of candle wax on the table...all do not appear conducive to a romantic dinner at a lovely restaurant. None of the above applying to my own behaviour! Anyhow, as he was playing with the wax on the tablecloth in order to get it off (after the loud and obnoxious comment how "crap" the music was) I was wondering how best to cope with the situation at hand. Whether to a) get a bottle of wine STAT and proceed to drink it fast in its entirety in order to transcend my embarrassment, b) run as fast as possible out the door leaving the uncivilized male at the table, or c) suck it up and try make the best of a bad bad circumstance.

Looking back, a) looks most desirable, but me not being one to shy away from a challenge went with option c). The meal was lovely, and I was not in the mood for dessert so before I went to the bathroom I politely requested to be ordered a coffee. Upon return I discover it was a coffee to-go and we were leaving. An enjoyable dinner? No. Apparently it was in order to achieve said stroll by the waterfront. So number 2 gets a tick. And number 3? Well, curled up on the couch with wine check. Watching Jurassic Park? Not romantic.

Basic wining and dining skills are a necessity for dating me. I sense trouble in the water....

S