I have a problem.
It involves putting men in the 'friend box'. I do it constantly. Now I don't mean my male friends who I have been friends with for years; I mean boys who are interested in me. I have made many so-called friends over the years and I am only learning now that the only reason these 'friends' stay around is because they keep thinking there will be something more, and that I will change my mind.
EXAMPLE: I lived around the corner from a guy I once was 'seeing' (due to the fact I did not want to be his girlfriend) and since that saga we had become very good friends. SO good we would see each other multiple times a day, every day. He would drop any other plans anytime I wanted to do something. In fact, we had a relationship in every single way except for the physical side of things. Anyway, I thought this was a normal friendship and would call him multiple Sunday mornings to pick me up from many awkward situations, or from town at 3am to pick me up (more than once). He always did this.
Now every now and again when I was completely inebriated I would accidentally hook up with him. Then would laugh about it to him the next day. This again all seemed normal. Thinking about it now I have no idea what possessed me to 'string' him along for the entire year upon the pretext we were just friends. Nonetheless he eventually got a girlfriend. Now I do not see or hear from him at all.
Many more scenarios from the passing years illustrate this bad habit I have of kissing various unsuitable boys and then telling them I just want to be friends. Sometimes we do become actual friends, and I have retained a surprisingly high percentage of these. Other times when the guy stopped talking to me and does not want to catch up once I break the news of being just friends, it would make me so angry. I just could not understand why we could not become great friends now that the awkward stage was out of the way.
The problem is now I do it without even realizing. The way I act, the way I talk, even the way I text guys is conducive to just friends. The friend box is overflowing, yet I cannot seem to stop adding new members. I feel like showing anything more than friends is too 'desperate', if I am not ruthlessly pursued then I am out. This is a habit I need to stop- I have enough friends and no love interests because I have efficiently either wiped them out or stuffed them into the box along with the other non-potentials.
I have a defense mechanism so good that I cannot stop it- any ideas?
love S
Dear S,
ReplyDeleteIt could be suggested that the archaic view of a Romeo and Juliet themed romance needs kicking into the 21st century...
Perhaps the friends box needs to be taped up and posted to a far away country.. I personally suggest Siberia.
Yours truly,
C
x
S,
ReplyDeleteC makes a wise suggestion.
I cannot comment as I am in THIS EXACT POSITION right now.
Thankfully, you have given me some perspective. You've also helped me rationalise my actions...so I will probably keep using guys as 'just friends.'
B
S, B, C,
ReplyDeleteI wish I had such strong defence mechanisms. Evidently mine are so weak that I never put men in the friends box (nor do I abide by the rule of not screwing the crew, even when I have been solid platonic friends with said studly Canadian crewman for 6 months plus) nor am I never put there by men (and for the sake of this anecdote, women). Ever.
A while ago my I was at a bar, and a girl tried to pick me up. I was with a bloke at the time (literally with, he was standing next to me). I made it clear I was with said man friend, we had a laugh about it, and since then the three of us have stayed friends.
Friday night ran in to girl and her friends. I was sans-man friend. I was promptly kidnapped to play drinking games, and then (quite bluntly) invited home. Reminded supposed-friend that I am with man friend, then went back to meet my group.
When I got home, had an email asking me out to drinks. I give her an A+ for sheer perseverance.
If you haven't posted the friends box to Siberia yet, please send it to me. I could use it.
Love,
S (man whisperer).
Man Whisperer,
ReplyDeleteThe Friend Box is taped up and on its way to you. It comes with a friendly warning: DO NOT OPEN IF YOU WANT TO GET LAID.
Haha, I think now I have identified the problem so I can effectively rule out any new friends and retain the old ones despite having a rather novel way of making them.
From now on, it is either not interested- or interested. No more friends crap.
S