The Freaky Types in which I Apparently Revel

My new motto after the crazy Portugese was to go only for nice guys, ones who were not flashy and charming- but instead were genuinely nice.
This was the path to success I thought, and following this decision I met Richie. Richie was lovely at the start- funny, cute, nice, wanted a relationship and none of this 'seeing' business. I unfortunately tired of his niceness and phased him out. This seemed like a great path to life-long friendship.
Then shit got freaky via a private facebook message:

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Hey! Okay so I just spent roughly an hour writing you a heartfelt message and then it went and ate itself... what the?! i put it down to the bad juju that has been attacking me since i missed your party... bad, bad things I'll tell you about sometime. Anyway, the jist was that I hope to catch up with you soon, because you're ridiculously, fandangulously hot and I can't stop thinking about you in a naked way. I know we really don't have that much in common ( ie. you hate good movies, you suck at trivial pursuit.... haha) but you're put together in such a sex-o-riffic way that i am willing to overlook this. I'm sure this comes as no surprise considering the oversexed txt msgs I sent you last semester (something about pushing buttons with my tongue ... totally true BTW) so please reply to me.... even if its just to put me out of my misery! Danke.

SORRY ABOUT THE SENSUAL CONTENT OF THIS MESSAGE...I'M A COCK!!!

x Richie
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Not surprisingly I was less than impressed at this and I proceeded to tell him in not so many words! Anyway fast forward a few weeks and I get a card in the mail- not just any card, but an Oxfam card. This was accompanied by this message which made me feel like I was a victim of domestic violence:


"Hi,
So by now you're probably thinking that I've forgotten or just not bothered to attempt to make amends for my idiotic actions. I haven't, it just took some time. I gave it a lot of thought and I decided to donate on your behalf to Oxfam. They have a programme that helps women who have been victims of the selfish actions of men. I thought that was quite appropriate.
I'm sorry that I've been such a complete and utter *&$*hole. I was completely out of line.
This has been a wake up call for me and I thank you for that. It's a shame though that it took ruining a good friendship in order for me to learn that lesson.
Sorry again and best wishes.
Richie."


I mean seriously-

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE MEN I LET INTO MY LIFE?!?!?!?!