2010: Year of Dating Failure. Failure #1: 'Exes as Friends'

NB This rant could also be classified under 'Don't Date Outside Your Type' or 'Don't Date Someone With Crazy Protective Friends.'

1. B apologises for being MIA (missing in action, though am thinking of changing this acronym, as earlier noted, to 'men indecision angst'). Halloween seemed an appropriate time to sit down and finally write a post because, frighteningly, it's when retailers decide it's time to put up Christmas decorations, which means it's nearly Christmas, which mean this year is nearly over.

For me, it has been a year of huge learning curves. Unfortunately, this has involved much 'learning through making mistakes;' the saying I always used to quote self righteously but secretly hoped would happen to other people, so I could watch and learn that way. Confusion has reigned and mistakes have been plentiful: keeping contact with an ex, attempting a one-night stand when it's against my nature, friends with benefits or 'dodgy friends,' telling an ex I've moved on, telling an ex I HAVEN'T moved on, dating several people at once, breaking up with soomeone for reasons unknown even to myself, making promises before being sure and, clearly, OV.ER.THINK.ING.

I wouldn't even know where to start with this mess (and in truth would still be too daunted to begin writing) if it wasn't for an upsetting experience last Saturday night. After breaking up a few months ago, stupidly on my part, my Sydney ex and I attempted to be 'friends' - I missed his company, he missed mine, we're both new in a big city, I've been having a rough time since we broke up, etc etc. Don't even say what you're thinking - I know. But, initially, it all started out so positively! - I sent him a thoughtful gift for his birthday, he sent me a kind card on mine, we met for dinner and drinks and, amazingly, managed to neither hook up nor yell at each other. Upon parting, I felt much better seeing my tradesman again; he texted that he hadn't realised how much he missed me and tentatively invited me to a concert in Bondi, with a group of mutual acquaintances that were moving over.

OK, back story over. Part two: when the shit hit the fan. Morning of the concert and I had msigivings. However, I had (thank god) declined to meet up with his group of close guy mates, who had my concert ticket, and instead raced across the city from work to meet with our girl acquaintances. I received copious amounts of wine, a girly pep talk and a hairstyle change, and made it to the concert with a positive outlook. Several awkward hellos and hugs later, I had managed to greet the entire group of guys and my ex, without altercation.

The concert was great and I behaved myself - ie I didn't sluz on to my ex (even though I wasn't over him, and also very tipsy), I didn't sluz on to his friends (also possible after a few (hundred) wines), and was friendly but uninvasive. Sadly, I'd forgotten that a) drunk girl acquaintances with male interests are prone to abandon the club and b) drunk males are highly aggressive and protective creatures. Innocently chatting to the one guy in the group with any morality, I was approached by the worst of bunch and publicly lambasted for breaking up with his friend to get back together with my ex (wrong). I yelled back (rather than sensibly removing myself from the situation), yet soon gave up, as any scathing or witty gems would only be wasted on one of the world's most dense individuals.

More true to the point, I was busy casting wild glances around for my now dissipated posse, who'd all gone running after male interests of their own. Shit! - friendless. This is when trashy friend #2 blindsided me with a few obscenities along the lines of I am a bitch and a whore and need to leave. Now, I feel I've toughened considerably in the past year, but when you're 5 foot nothing and the smallest person in the room, a group of drunk, aggro blue-collar NZ men yelling at you is not ideal. Luckily I was saved by the one normal guy, who had to physically stand in between the boys and I, and took me outside and gave me a hug. He was consequently attacked for this.

What was my drunk 'ex/friend' doing while this was going down? Sitting watching, letting it happen. Occasionally making gestures indicating that I should leave. Friends, I think not. I would go so far to say that is a Friendship Fail. Is this ever excusable? Am I perhaps being too precious with this? I was fairly appalled and could not ever imagine any of my guy friends doing that to a girl in public, regardless of what they'd done. Not impressed at all. For years I've wished my life was more like The Hills. Drama drama drama!

I was persuaded to post this for its cathartic powers. Sorry it is such drivel but I do feel better!

B