As I crawled, bleary-eyed, out of my apartment and down the still moonlit street to my bus stop at 6.30 this morning, I was suddenly faced with Theofino or 'Frank' - Greek cafe manager, 5 years older than I, and unfortunately not attractive (awkward gin-soaked date with Frank will be briefly outlined in future post, if I can bear to relive it). Not only had I not contacted him since our 'date,' my lack of caffeine and sleep meant that my conversation efforts were incoherent; my small talk punctuated by umms and ahhs, before the grand finale in which I called him the wrong name.
Frank did not seem to mind, though. He gave me a bear hug, warmed my hands and buttoned up my coat, reminding me with a worried look that I must keep warm and look after myself.
This is the point at which I could have gone down one of 2 paths; I was at a crossroads, if you will. I could have fluttered my eyelashes, looked down at my cold little hands and breathed: 'Thankyou, I do get so cold sometimes...' I realise now that such an action would probably have scored me a free ride to work in Frank's car, or at least a free skinny capp (apparently 'trim cappucino' is an unknown term here). Possibly a spoon.
In reality? I crossed my arms, gave a derisive snort and declared: 'I'm from New Zealand - we don't GET cold.'
It seems that my attempt to be 'tough' around men is pathological behaviour. Just last week, a nice young man in a suit offered to catch me a taxi in the city, as the streets were slippery with rain and I would need to 'be careful not to slip in those high heels.'
To which I retorted: 'HA! I can walk in heels for miles.' Should I have stumbled a little, looked up with a winning smile and fluttered my thanks instead?
There are many more examples, all which involve me disadvantaging myself in everyday life (including attacking my baked beans can with a steak knife for a full half hour tonight, instead of finding a strong man to prise the lid).
So I ask: is presenting yourself as helpless and weak the way to go? Or just a sell-out? Should I try for all the help I can get, and pride be damned? Opinions welcome.
B
B, I am much the same as you- tough, and determined to be on the same playing field as the other sex.
ReplyDeleteEXAMPLE: Last year I was taken on a date up the Port Hills in Christchurch. At 9pm at night. Not (quite) as creepy as it sounds- it was to enjoy the phenomenon of 'Earth Hour'.
His idea. Do not bother- it was very average.
Anyway it was dark, cold...and he did not think to pack a torch in his rucksack of goodies. You would imagine a small pocket torch would have been more important than an Ipod and speakers, red wine and glasses, chocolate and olives; on a first date no less.
Nonetheless I take off (in my unsuitable ballet flats) and stride up the hill, stumbling over rocks and tussocks; leaving him behind. Perhaps I wanted to show off? Exhibit my inner farm girl?
Not exactly a feminine, alluring image is it? However, I believe pretending to be a helpless female would be more annoying then alluring. Stick to your guns- even if it means having to buy gloves.
love S
B, S.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is important to show that one is not helpless. But Frank was trying to be chivalrous, as was the bloke who tried to get you a taxi! I think they had good intentions, don't be too hard on them now... especially as they may be the only two heterosexuals in Sydney.
In going out of our way specifically to demonstrate how capable we are, are we not slightly insecure?
Spam.
Spam,
ReplyDeleteShow me a female in the world who is not slightly insecure to some degree! I think it is not so much that we are showing our capability in order to cover up this fact, but rather to compensate for the gender inequality which has plagued the world for so many centuries. We now are trying too hard to validate this equality.
However, agreed though that the men were trying to be chivalrous...advice to B? Buy some gloves and stop pretending you can skip merrily around in heels in the rain, take that taxi offer...a phone number may come with it...
S