When the cat's away the mouse will play....

I have a pressing question...when is it not OK to run around with another guy?

I have been 'hanging out' with a particular lad for a wee while now, but I am reluctant to let things progress into the dreaded 'relationship' label. This is for reasons which may have been touched on already- the main fact being that I appear to have shitty taste in the opposite sex which is not obvious until I receive a creepy message and Oxfam card, or they move countries to stalk me!
However, naturally he is not allowed to go near any other ladies, or I will end whatever thing it is we have going. On the other hand, I seem not to have the same qualms about my own behaviour....

Picture this: Friday night, particular lad away for the weekend, BYO, friends I have not seen in a while, new boys I haven't met before, alcohol, lots of alcohol.

Oh and something else I have not mentioned before- I like a challenge. Basically, what happens under the influence of the drink is that I unwittingly pick a 'target' and test out the water as to whether I can get that target or not. It is a stupid game as I think I realise when I select the target, it is never going to be a 'no-deal'.

Right, so with all that in mind I was dropped home in a ute on Saturday morning before work. Now I am aware that makes me sound like a slapper...I am actually not. Really.

I worked out along the road of the night that yes my target had also had his eye on me. Too easy. However, somehow I ended up at his house anyway. The intoxicated me did not realise that by going back to his house he would naturally think that boom it was all go. So low and behold things started progressing down that path and I freaked out at him- yelled that I was going home and began gathering my bag etc. Unfortunately after this rather dramatic display I realised that I did not have my keys and hence would be unable to get into my house. Turns out the thoughtful me had given them to a friend who was staying at my house for the night. Good. So I was forced to creep back into the bed and stay the night regardless. Despite this problematic night, it appeared to make the target more keen if anything and eager to make amends. Ah who knew, being a wasted mental case was attractive?

Anyway I digress. Was I in the wrong for this indiscretion?Technically no, however my double standards make me wonder if I am always destined to be alone and will end up being a desperate cougar targeting innocent young men for cheap thrills.

Love S

Ode to The One That Got Away (aka the one I was retarded enough to let go)

B has been MIA: Missing In Action due to Men Indecision Angst.

This is all she has to show for it.

A Poem

* "For a free dinner...who sings this song?" I always got the answer wrong, but you always bought me dinner anyway.

* You were meant to just be a one-night stand... but you texted me the next day to thank me for folding your clothes

* You stayed up all night and talked to me when I couldn't sleep, even though you had work the next day

* You spent an hour cleaning your flat in case I came back in the near future

* You thought I was a 9.2 out of 10 when hungover with no makeup on

* You bought new Ralph Lauren cologne to persuade me to be your girlfriend - you didn't need to

* You always answered the phone 'Hey gorgeous.'

* You called me Tits Mcgee and a wee chocolate creme brulee

* You texted to remind me to wear sunscreen

* You tried not to smoke and drink around me because I am a brat

* You told me I am lovely and always say the right thing - I'm not and I didn't

* You would get up at 6 or 7am to drive me home before work, an hour out of your way, just so I wouldn't have to take the train

* You called me late from work just to say goodnight/because you missed my smell/my voice/my constant chatter

* You were always completely inappropriate but it made me laugh. I only knew you for a few months but you gave me wrinkles from laughing so much.

* You thought I looked nice in a dress, but you complimented me the most the time I went out for dinner with no make up and my hair in a messy ponytail

* You wanted to take me away for a trip and plan it all yourself

* You always gave me the good pillow

* You held my hand at the train station/at the mall/at the pub/in front of your guy mates

* You were tough but such a softie underneath

* The night you thought I was going to break up with you, you still ordered my favourite takeaway to be delivered, let me stay with you and drove me the hour home the next morning

* When we broke up you hugged me all night and in the morning said you didn't want to let me go. Even though it was all my fault

* When you smiled at me sometimes I forgot what I was saying.

* You told me you were in love with me when you were drunk. You pretended you didn't remember but I'm pretty sure you did

* You treated your mum and sister like princesses. You told me you missed hugs from your mum and it made me want to hug you all the time!

* You said I was way too cool for you - I wasn't

* I stole your chewing gum, coins, new Hilton slippers and favourite t shirt, but you never complained

* I still have them.

* I broke up with you because I was confused, and stupid. I miss you and I'm so sorry!

The Freaky Types in which I Apparently Revel

My new motto after the crazy Portugese was to go only for nice guys, ones who were not flashy and charming- but instead were genuinely nice.
This was the path to success I thought, and following this decision I met Richie. Richie was lovely at the start- funny, cute, nice, wanted a relationship and none of this 'seeing' business. I unfortunately tired of his niceness and phased him out. This seemed like a great path to life-long friendship.
Then shit got freaky via a private facebook message:

..............................................................................
Hey! Okay so I just spent roughly an hour writing you a heartfelt message and then it went and ate itself... what the?! i put it down to the bad juju that has been attacking me since i missed your party... bad, bad things I'll tell you about sometime. Anyway, the jist was that I hope to catch up with you soon, because you're ridiculously, fandangulously hot and I can't stop thinking about you in a naked way. I know we really don't have that much in common ( ie. you hate good movies, you suck at trivial pursuit.... haha) but you're put together in such a sex-o-riffic way that i am willing to overlook this. I'm sure this comes as no surprise considering the oversexed txt msgs I sent you last semester (something about pushing buttons with my tongue ... totally true BTW) so please reply to me.... even if its just to put me out of my misery! Danke.

SORRY ABOUT THE SENSUAL CONTENT OF THIS MESSAGE...I'M A COCK!!!

x Richie
.................................................................................


Not surprisingly I was less than impressed at this and I proceeded to tell him in not so many words! Anyway fast forward a few weeks and I get a card in the mail- not just any card, but an Oxfam card. This was accompanied by this message which made me feel like I was a victim of domestic violence:


"Hi,
So by now you're probably thinking that I've forgotten or just not bothered to attempt to make amends for my idiotic actions. I haven't, it just took some time. I gave it a lot of thought and I decided to donate on your behalf to Oxfam. They have a programme that helps women who have been victims of the selfish actions of men. I thought that was quite appropriate.
I'm sorry that I've been such a complete and utter *&$*hole. I was completely out of line.
This has been a wake up call for me and I thank you for that. It's a shame though that it took ruining a good friendship in order for me to learn that lesson.
Sorry again and best wishes.
Richie."


I mean seriously-

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE MEN I LET INTO MY LIFE?!?!?!?!